Sky's falling apart...

I haven't blogged for more than a month. What better time to blog than to do it right now right here at this moment. It's 5pm on a Friday afternoon. On an usual day i would be on my way to the gym from work. However, since the parking lot is flooded with ridiculously amount of water, I AM STUCK IN MY WORKPLACE. Get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe i should sing this song to make me feel better during this miserable time.

(High pitched voice)
"I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain"
(Tears)

As i continue to stare at the swimming pool in the parking lot, gong gong and por por past by me and asked me "Why don't you go home? It's 5." After the tenth time i heard that, i simply remained silent and continued staring at the swimming parking lot.

This is a very random post. What a great blog to mark my return back to the bloggin world.

Helpless, Hopeless, Faithless

I want to live the way i was made... yet it seems so far away...

I care enough to bring trouble to myself... yet i feel like I am the only one...

Through His faithfulness and righteousness i jumped over an hurdle... yet there always seem to be another one...

The more i want to be selfless... the more selfish i become...

When i prayed for more understanding... the more i don't understand...

I feel like a prisoner for Christ... yet i am still a prisoner of my desires...

I do not want anyone to trouble me... yet i care too much

When i am upset... i am seen as overreacting...

I know nothing is perfect... but i am sick of not seeing perfection in anything...

I am tired.

I am weary.

I am frustrated.

I want to beat up somebody.

I am not moltivated.

I want to... cry.


...

Ugly Feet

Today while i was waiting for a bus to Metro Square, i realize my life is experiencing the same thing... waiting for something to come, to inspire me, to pick me up, to take me somewhere... While the i am waiting, i get frustrated at myself very easily. Why didn't i come to the bus stop ahead of time so i could get on an earlier bus. Should i walk to the next bus stop to reduce the boredom of waiting? I have been tired, weary, and weak. I am exhausted about pulling things through my own efforts, trying to hand in there by a thread. Emotions cloud my sensitivity to the spirit. Trying to make to the next bus as soon as possible. After i read Kwan's blog, i immediately said "oh crap..." I have really, really ugly feet. But at the same time, the separation between Jesus and I should not be blamed on myself anymore. I honestly truely deeply need Jesus to heal me and drawing attention to my own flaws doesn't help. If i love Jesus, i must love my life as a whole even though it's full of sins. Hopefully i can climb out this hole to the light and truely receive His blessings to my life and it is through Him whom i can obtain beautiful feet, just like the picture above.

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Chris Tomlin

This is how i want to live my life... I do dance like no one's around all the time hehe.

A Date with Gong Gong and Por Por, Episode II

Imagine yourself wondering thru a jungle in the midst of a heavy fog. All of a sudden you get jumped by 5 jaguars. Not just jaguars. Female jaguars. That's how i feel everyday when i work in the office of the senior home, since all my bosses are women. They tend to do one thing very well: throwing more work at me. While i am busy photocopying some document for one boss, counting inventory for another, and deliver files for another, another one would naturally order me to modify charts and tables with excel. I see it as a very good training, preparing me for the real world that is full of vicious jaguars. Since I am the only man in the office, other than ordering me around, these women tend to make fun of me a lot. With their age, they can all be my aunties too. I think they are using me as an replacement for their sons since they can't stand being separated from their precious babies. How great is motherly love! It makes the office more awkward than ever...

I have just been trained to feed the elderly a week ago. Now i am responsible to feed a por por her meal everyday at lunch. I'll fill you guys in next time... Until then, i will survive the attack of jaguars...

A for Apple, B for Boy, G for Gayness

That's right. G stands for gayness. Why would I say that? Because I FAILED MY G TODAY!!! That was the stupidest test i have ever taken in my life. It was even stupider than the litmus paper test in chemistry or math quizzes in Math 121. The whole point of this test is to show the whole world how anal driving examiners are. C'mon, it's not even a real job. They won't let you speed more than 1km/h more. They stares at you funny. They check if your head can rotate 180 degree to see if there are any cars in your blind spot. They complain when you are too slow too. It's funny how everytime when i did the right thing they never see it. When i forgot one tiny thing, they take a bite on that mistake and won't let go.

I probably sound like a sore loser right now. I know it is my responsibility to understand how ANAL these people are, so i acknowledge the fact that it's all my fault... Next time i'll make sure that i'll do the right thing at the right moment when he is looking. I will not give him anymore excuses to charge me more money, since one test costs $200, including the driving instructor and the rented car. Now i have to go back to work. Yes, i took half a day off too. Time was wasted. Money was wasted. My youth was wasted. 10 days later, i'm gonna do all these things over again. Joy.