When the tears begin to fall...

It's been a long time since I last updated. Past few months have been more of a spiritual rollar coaster ride for me, big ups and big downs. I'll be hard pressed to try putting everything in one post but there is something I want you guys to hear.

Couple days ago I've decided to go swimming (by myself) in the pec. I was going to library afterwards so my books and notes were packed in my bag along with my swimming stuff. After swimming, I put all my wet stuff in a plastic bag along and wrapped around it with my towel and, with much effort, I managed to shoved everything back in my backpack. That night I went back home and opened my bag. To my surprise, I found out that a big chuck of my Bible at the top got soaking wet and became wrinkly. Everything else was fine. My pathology notes looked as new as always (since I never looked at them). I panicked and opened up my Bible, wishing that it will dry on its own and become... well not wrinkly again. The bad thing is that it was the book of Proverbs where the pages were the most wet. I've always been a big fan of proverbs!!! Why can't it be Numbers or Hahum... or something... Ok, there is a point to this story.

That night, I continued to do the usual things (msn-ing, studying, making fun of Ed and Matt...). At the same time, I would check up on my Bible once awhile to see the progress of the drying process. Everytime I looked, It really looked like some was crying over the Bible. And then it hits me. For the past months things have been frustrating. I've been a big cry-baby and always bitter about not getting what I so desire. Yet I know its God's will that is taking control but my heart and my own selfishness is not giving in. Tears and heartbreaks became a routine. I felt there was nothing I could give back to people I love anymore. At the same, there was nothing I could take from my relationships with my friends and KCCF. I was just stuck. Then as I was looking at my wet Bible, it seemed that it was telling me to turn to it every time tears begin to fall again. When I heart was heavy and mind was weary, I tend to stray away from the Creator himself and threw myself out into the world, trusting in things that can be seen and felt by me. The harder I tried to get comfort from this world, the more disappointed I became. I guess this is where the perseverence comes into play. It will be something hard to grasp but I am ready for more. Now I have to go back to drying my wet Bible...

It's 1:40am on a Saturday morning...

... and I feel like crap.