Ouch

Many of us sing and proclaim that death has lost its sting in our lives once we put our faith in Jesus Christ. It also says that "the sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law." It is a sin to let the fear of death to control our lives since we are not living like a saved person. I completely understand that... But when the sting of death is rite in front of my eyeballs in such close proximity, I doubt I could remind myself that death could no longer defeat or hinder us. Things are always easier said than done.

Yesterday was a big smack in my face. It was late at night and my mom called for me with her eyes filled with tears. She then told me that my uncle (my dad's older brother) has just passed away from a stroke in Hong Kong. I am not very close with my uncle since he lives in Hong Kong. In my expectations, it didn't hit me that hard when I heard it. However, once it started to sink into my mind, the full effect manifested itself. It's the feeling of knowing that you will never see someone's face again and the feeling of inevitability and helplessness inside you. I just saw him the past summer when he came to visit and everything just happened so sudden. No matter how much I do or try to give up for Christ, it seems like there is something in life that will backstab me in some way. Death has never come into my mind with that kind of intensity and all I could ever do is hide.

I also volunteered in the senior home which I worked in for the past summer yesterday. While I was there, I found out some familiar faces among the residents were gone also. Normally i wouldn't be affected by these things so easily but with the death of my uncle, all these things seem to be so much bigger... contain so much more impact... It sucks that everytime when I go back I will found someone gone. Four months ago some of the residents were offering candies for me and now some of them can no longer do that anymore. For the first time I feel pain about people leaving this world and there's nothing I can do but to suck it up. I know that Christ's glory is the only way out yet the pain lingers on in my heart. Turning away from the pain and focus my eyes on the cross is something I feel I cannot do. But God has made a clear statment to me to be strong in the cross... for my family... for everyone around me. Death certainly haven't lost its sting in my life... not yet, and it hurts like crap.